Wither the sickness

Life with chronic health conditions and no health insurance is interesting.

Celiac disease is pretty much a condition of maintenance. There’s no cure and the only preventative measure is avoiding eating or drinking gluten (wheat, barley, rye, and oats). Gluten is everywhere. Beer and bread are bad but I’ve found it in foods I would never have suspected, like tomato soup, sausage and lunch meats, and many, many sauces. Flour is a cheap filler and thickener so it’s commonly used, which makes the life of a celiac a royal bitch.

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia first, and celiac disease a few months apart, in early 2010. Both came on the heels of a lot of effort on my part to document and self-diagnose, to some degree, my own condition. One of my knees was so inflamed that I limped noticeably for months and at the apex I had to crawl up stairs on hands and knees because of the pain. My rheumatologist diagnosed that as one of the symptoms of my fibromyalgia and that was that.

I had good doctors then, that supported my efforts to self-diagnose, within reason. I did my own testing with diet changes, for example, that led to discovering my sensitivity to wheat, and they ran medical tests to verify and confirm. Science. It works, bitches.

I’ve been gluten-free, aside from the random and mostly rare accidental glutening, for about eighteen months. The first six months or so I felt great; my knee inflammation disappeared completely and many of the other symptoms associated with fibromyalgia had eased up as well. That general sense of well-being began tapering off, though. I was as strict, if not more so, with my diet, but nothing seemed to reverse that trend. Complicating matters were my symptoms of fibromyalgia, which worsened.

My sleeping pattern became erratic, when I could sleep at all. Lethargy was my lonely friend and I constantly worked through a teeth-gnashing mental fog. On two occasions, minimal exercise caused such a crash that I slept for days. We worried about my health, my ability to function, to work. I’d spent my late nights reading through journal articles, medical studies and message forums about fibromyalgia and Celiac symptoms and treatments.

A month or so ago, one of my online friends whose been through some medical issues blogged and, in the comments said something about not ruling in fibromyalgia without further testing, especially with celiac. My knee jerk reaction was to get upset (sorry D. <3) but it got me thinking. I realized she was right, especially given the proclivity of doctors, despite their best intentions, to misdiagnose fibro in the presence of celiac.

I woke from sleep one night and in a moment of clarity remembered that, a few months prior to my celiac diagnosis, I nearly had scurvy and other assorted vitamin deficiency-related issues. The doctor put me on a daily regiment of vitamins that, a few months later, put my levels back to normal. When we realized I was celiac, I (or we) thought that must be the cause and I stopped taking the vitamins.

The kicker about celiac: it damages the lining of your small intestine, sometimes permanently, but it can take years for it to fully recover once you’re gluten-free. This prevents the absorption of nutrients from the foods you eat. Essentially, I was malnourished even though I’d been eating a healthy, gluten-free diet.

Whoops.

I’m three weeks back on my vitamins (for the curious: 500mg vitamin C twice/day, 1,000 IU vitamin D twice/day, 50mg zinc once/day) and I feel remarkably different. The mental fog has cleared. I’m back on a regular, consistent sleep schedule and my energy levels are starting to return.

It’ll be summer before all the paperwork is done and I can see a doctor regularly again and get regular check-ups. That sucks, more than a little, but this close call reminded me of something I’m a fan of: body hacking. Safely, of course, but we are essentially a biological computer in a wetware exosuit. A biomech, if you will.

Done smartly — scientifically — who knows what you’ll discover. I’ve been doing it out of necessity, in a small way. Humanity has been finding ways to do it since forever (care for a cup of coffee?). Also worth mentioning, The Future Fire just announced a call for submissions for their thematically-related anthology, Outlaw Bodies.

Quick Stats – 2010 vs. 2011 submissions

I thought it’d be interesting to look at some rough numbers, based on my Duotrope stats, year over year.

2010

13 submissions to 10 different markets
4 stories on submission
13 rejections, 5 personal (38%)
10 markets
0 acceptances

2011

43 submissions to 36 different markets
11 stories on submission
39 rejections, 16 personal (41%)
4 acceptances

Misc. Stats

Each year saw one story pulled from circulation after one submission (one was a reprint from 2008)
All four sales this year were made on the first submission (one by invitation)

It’s clearly a positive trend, and one I hope to continue into 2012. I don’t make resolutions, but I do set goals. This year, I’ll be finishing the novel I started last November and writing (and more importantly, finishing) a lot more short stories.

2011 Published Short Fiction

Seeing as we’re close to the end of 2011 and it’s unlikely I’ll have anything else published this calendar year, now is as good a time as any to recap the short fiction I’ve had published in the last twelve months.

Self-promotion is so totally not my thing. Jaym Gates recent Inkpunks post about awards season was a good reminder that I should be doing this, though. I’m not entirely certain I’m doing this the right way, but here it is.

These are stories that I love and was honored to have published. Please, read, but only nominate as you see fit.

Three Years

We’d been in California for a few days and the previous night at my work Christmas party. Three years ago this morning, we flew to Las Vegas. One of us (not me) was airsick as we landed in the middle of a sand storm. Ironic, because this was literally a whirlwind. Work put us up in a lavish hotel on the strip, one of the last acts of kindness I’ll remember them for.

With a little more than twenty-four hours, we raced across town with a comedian cab driver and stumbled half-blind through street construction to find our way to get our marriage license. A few hours later, we were back on the streets, this time headed to the Little White Chapel.

We did it our way — just us, no witnesses, no finery, no pomp. I bought you flowers for the ceremony and you gave them away, to a little girl, afterwards. We turned down being interviewed for a television show about couples who eloped to Las Vegas but did accept the (free) limo back to the hotel afterwards and flew home the next day.

There are a lot of things we could have done differently had we known better, but I don’t regret a second of it because we’re better people for it and I’m a better person for finding you.

Why insider trading by members of Congress is worse than it sounds

If you had asked me if members of Congress were exempt from insider trading before today, I would have said yes, of course. I would have argued that, with the kinds of information that our congressmen and -woman are privy to, they especially should not be allowed to use non-public information to trade stock for financial gain. Knowing when to buy or sell a stock when a company is about to have a contract terminated, or is about to come under congressional investigation, for example, is privileged, sometimes even classified information.

I would have been wrong.

I caught footage from a 60 Minutes reporter grilling Nancy Pelosi over her questionable access to Visa’s IPO. Joe Lieberman, who I have a mixed reaction to, wants to pass an explicit ban on the act. There’s more than a bunch of congresspeople using inside knowledge to their financial gain. There’s a trickle-down effect, mentioned briefly in the footage I saw but something I can explain in better detail.

In the late 90′s, I worked as a software consultant for an Investor Relations (IR) firm. I wrote what was essentially a big tracking system. These IR firms are able to get bank account numbers and balance information from major banks. This information is updated on a regular basis. They also have a steady stream of data on stock trades — who’s buying and who’s selling, and how much.

As part of their intelligence process, they are able to figure out the names of the people who own these bank accounts. This is meta-information, acquired any number of ways. There were very strict rules I had to follow about keeping this specially acquired information separate from the rest. It allows them to figure out if Company A has just bought a lot of stock or if Hedge Fund Manager X has just dumped half of his portfolio. They sell this data to their clients, investors and/or competitors of Company A or Hedge Fund Manager X.

Now, circle the wagon. Target your data scraping tools at the people who are exempt from insider trading, i.e., members of Congress. As they profit from non-public information, you glean the trades they are making and package that information up and sell it to your clients, who include hedge funds and other investors who can act on that second-hand knowledge.

If I was writing this clunky software a decade ago, there’s no doubt it’s grown more sophisticated and the above kind of tracking was being routinely done then. I can only presume, backed up by the comments from the 60 Minute reporter, that not only is it still in operation, but now it’s targeting those with an unfair advantage, spreading that advantage into the private sector. It’s the worst kind of trickle-down effect, rot spreading from the core. My fingers are crossed that this ban passes quickly, with strong support from both sides of the idle, as a sign that this congress is serious about plugging the holes in the economy, even if it’s themselves that are leaking the bathwater.

Fail. Fail Harder. Fail Better.

NaNoWriMo is over. I failed to win. I failed, but there are lessons in failure.

I set out to do a few things aside from writing 50k words. I wanted to learn to turn off my internal editor when I needed to, so that I could write first drafts on the computer. I wanted to write something longer than I’d written before, previously around 6,000 words. I wanted to get a better understanding of novel structure. Those things, I succeeded at.

In the end, my efforts stalled around Thanksgiving. I was at 28,264 words and I realized that I would need almost 4,000 words/day in order to hit the 50k mark and that wasn’t going to happen without some kind of herculean effort that, frankly, wasn’t worth the payout. I’d already done what I set out to do.

I blogged quite a few of my observations through the month. Mostly, they had to do with novel structure. That’s my biggest takeaway. For all of the novels I’ve read, the thing I’ve thought the least about (consciously) is structure. I used to think that the difference between short stories and novels was simply chapters being collections of scenes but it’s a bit more complicated than that.

What I wrote was, in many ways, a very detailed outline. It helped me flesh out plot and structure and characters. I figured out flaws in the story I had in my head and discovered some really cool things lurking in the shadows.

My next steps are doing a reverse outline of what I wrote. Chapters are out of order, pacing is a jumble, key scenes are missing, and there’s still 80k words to be written.

I personally find it difficult to write when I know a story isn’t working. I averaged almost 1,500 words/day, which was better than I do longhand but the quality suffered. It left me with another failed attempt at NaNoWriMo, but I feel better about this effort than any of the previous. Fail or not, I’m better for having tried.

An occupied mind can never be evicted

I wrote this in the middle of the night as news of the raid on the #occulyla camp was breaking on twitter, half asleep but compelled to get some of my thoughts written down before I fell asleep:

The police are within their duties to do remove occupiers as occupiers are within theirs to commit acts of peaceful civil disobedience. Where law breaks down, in my mind, is when those in the upper echelons of authority usurp the power of the press by controlling who can report when, and by what media, which by extension raises the question of the accuracy and lens through which the truth is filtered.

The people have a right to protest. The land owners have right to evict. Acts of civil disobedience are excellent demonstrations against a show of force. A heavily armed police force moving in to remove resolved protestors is inevitable. What really strikes me, though, and shames me as an American, is that those in power, presumably the mayor of Los Angeles and the LAPD chief of police authorized the communications blanket last night. Restricting the freedom of press, saying who is and isn’t allowed to report, and by what medium, seems to me to be a direct violation of the freedom of press — in spirit and intent if not letter of the law.

I’m sure someone will claim that this was an issue of safety; journalists risk their lives every day in warzones to report the truth. Are these politicians saying that downtown Los Angeles was more dangerous than the battlefields of the world where journalists have lived, reported, and yes, sometimes died? No. They were trying to prevent a potential media disaster should events get out of hand, to act without the accountability of independent observer.

Funny, we’ve damned foreign nations for doing the same to its people but we turn around and do it to our own. Too big to fail. That’s what we thought about the banks, until we had to step in and bail them out. I kind of wonder if the next big thing to fail will be you, the 1%, and who will you turn to to bail you out?

 

#NaNoWriMo day 20: Struggling against the event horizon

I feel like I’ve been at a near standstill the last four days. With one zero day among them, I’ve barely scratched a thousand words among them. To make up for the shortfall, I need to write roughly 2,400 words/day though the rest of the month in order to hit the Nano goal of 50k. I’ve hit that number once this month.

It’s going to be a nail biter.


Project: Black Mirror
New words written: 600
Reason for stopping: Falling asleep at the wheel


It hasn’t all been wasted time. I’ve talked about how my pacing has been a problem. I’ve been stopping to make notes about missing scenes, characters, and plot arcs that I’ll need to work on post-Nano (or if I run out of story to write during). I’ve also been filling out character sheets as I go. I’ll need to do more of this as I reverse outline in December, making sure I have consistent details on everyone, if they’re a point of view character, and enough background to know who they really are.

I’m not going to throw in the towel, but I sure wouldn’t mind a day or two of really good output to give me a little buffer, ya know?

#NaNoWriMo day 16

I found my stride yesterday, sixteen days in. I didn’t strictly follow end of day guidelines for Nano, calling it a day somewhere close to 1AM. I drafted a scene and a part of the next and it’s the best writing I’ve done all month. It’s what all others will be held up and compared to, and mocked mercilessly when they fall short.


Project: Black Mirror
New words written: 1,803
Reason for stopping: Tired


I’ll be scrambling for words tonight. The Day job looms and I have my Inkpunks post to write for tomorrow. Plus, I’m deep into creating my first eBook, which is a lot more fun than I expected it to be. Certain long-term plans are slowly coming together in a way that make me want to cackle and wring my hands together.

#NaNoWriMo day 15: I can see for miles and miles

Hello, folks, this is your captain speaking. We’ve reached the halfway mark in our journey to noveldom. There’s been some minor turbulence along the way but we’re in blue skies now.

Almost.


Project: Black Mirror
New words written: 2,421
Reason for stopping: End of day


In this hot mess of first draft spagetti and a generous serving of cheese, I’m learning a lot. One being that I’m frighteningly close to the climax of the story and that the later part of the month will see me going back through and filling in things that I skipped over. Subplots and minor characters left off-screen need care and attention, because they are interesting and still trapped inside my head.

The other thing that I’ve done poorly is setting. I think it’s true of most stories, but especially so of Urban Fantasy, is that setting is character and, as characters go, I’ve made mine pretty bland so far. A large part of that was the lack of preparation. I wish I had a nice big map of the city printed out and tiled over my desk, with sticky notes to visualize this world like a giant pastel event wheel.

Lastly, I’ll be continuing with the reverse outlining as I go, straightening out my chapters and weaving together my various points of view. I swore off any rewriting or deleting during Nano but there are new scenes I’ve discovered through this process. I’ve had that panicked moment realizing that I was nearing the end as far as chapters go, but one saving grace for writing this out of order is that there are still plenty of words left to write.