Fibro flares can be difficult. It’s sometimes easy to forget I’m in the middle of one when I’m sitting and working or active around the house but when I lay down to rest and my body starts to relax the pain gets worse. Much worse. We’re talking the kind of pain that makes wearing clothes uncomfortable. The pain stirs up the mind, and the mind chases away sleep.

Last night? She and I walked a long, slow road together but this time she brought something new with her. It took the third trip back to bed for me to realize that it was anxiety, something I usually only get at conventions or when having to do public speaking.

Me. 4AM. One tiny pill and within the hour I finally found some solace.

But you, the lady who haunts my sleep and whose laugh echos in my dreams? You’re a bitch.

Good news:

• Kidneys and Thyroid are normal.
• It’s not Multiple Sclerosis.
• It’s probably not Lupus.

The bad news:

• There is still a chance it could be Lupus, so I had more blood drawn to confirm/deny.
• I do have Fibromyalgia. All of the symptoms fit.
• I need to have a sleep test to determine if I’m suffering from sleep apnea or cataplexy, and to see if it explains the occasional fugue states I sometimes experience.

I will have a lot more to say about Fibromyalgia. Right now I’m still in the acceptance phase, which isn’t always easy. Figuring out my limitations and triggers is going to take some time. I’ve already started re-evaluating my diet, to try and determine what foods may be causing flares. I imagine that this could be a long process of self-discovery.

I also have just over a month before I leave for Clarion, so I’m going to be busy wrapping up all of the legal and medical stuff, and reading. Lots and lots of reading. Lots of work, too. And when Clarion is over, I can go back home to Canada. If I’m quiet, sullen or manic, well, you know why.